Israel Eugene Steinmetz - Online Memorial Website

Born in Pennsylvania Stowe PA on April 6, 1973.

Israel contacted me on AIM. He asked me if I was able to read over his email yet - I was confused and said yes because I didn't want him to think I was rude. We chatted and chatted. I felt intrigued, happy, flattered, interested. He was smart, funny, and had a way of knowing me and my thoughts. It was his birthday. From 4/6/99 to 4/6/07 we talked mostly everyday but maybe 15. Sometimes we'd talk from 5:30pm-2am with an hour break. He challenged me to think in ways I didn't. We would laugh, discuss, work on projects, work on our Web  pages together on AIM and the phone. He became my friend and then boyfriend in June 1999. He was Republican, anti-abortion, believed in sex only after marriage, wanted children, wanted to do well in the world. He told me he procrastinates. He told me my voice was beautiful.

My side:

I met Israel on April 6, 1999. This date will be easy to remember because it is also Israel's birthday. Early March,  a  bad relationship ended for me. We were engaged and broke up and then we were casual dating,  but we were not right for each other. The break up was very painful and difficult for me  to get over. After a few weeks of moping and feeling sorry for myself, I decided to get on with my life. So, I did.

    I started reading, going places, going on casual dates, writing, getting my web design business off the ground and keeping in touch with friends. Friends and family are a valuable resource. They kept me up and stopped me from wallowing in pity. I am happy being myself and discovered I do not need a relationship to be happy. I did not want a serious relationship right away. 

    Since I have Athetoid Cerebral Palsy, going places on my own is difficult. My CP causes an inability to walk, and I need assistance in some things such as feeding, dressing and so on. When I'm on the floor, I am most independent. However, I use a purple motorized wheelchair when I go out. CP does not rule life but it is something that I will always have to deal with. I live with my father and he takes me anywhere I need to, but I like independence. The Internet provides independence. I can meet people, and it is a place that I'm equal.

   One Friday night, I was searching around the Internet. The weather was really miserable so I did not go out anywhere. I came across something called Web Personals. I know that sounds cheesy, but a lot of people use the web in the world. I was not looking for love. I simply wanted to meet new friends over the Internet by email and maybe in real life. So, I gave it a try. I felt that I had nothing to lose but everything to gain. I told my best friend about it who was very skeptical but she wished me luck. Now, she is a member. 

    I met some really nice people on there. Some people are still my friends. A few weeks went by and I continued on with my life and being happy. Then I checked my email and received an email from a man named Israel that lived fairly close by. The first part of the email, I thought it was too good to be true. He was conservative, pro-life, liked to read, go out and had strong morals. But then reality hit, he said we would probably be a very good couple, but he is an atheist. I am a devoted Roman Catholic. With a sigh, I closed the email and figured well there goes that guy.

   A few more days went by, and I received another email from Israel. This time I replied and gave him my web address. On my web site, I had information about my disability and about myself. I did not really think much more about him because what could an Atheist and Catholic ever have in common. On April 6th, I was talking with my best friend on the Internet (she lives far from me. We went to college together.) and all of a sudden I got an AOL Instant Message from Israel. Also on my web site, I have my AOL Instant Messenger ID.

   From our first conversation, we became friends instantly. It felt like we were friends all along. We kept our romantic feelings in check because of our religious beliefs. We enjoyed debating and a lot of our conversations centered on religion. We were also surprised about how much we had in common such as pro-life, political views, we feel strong about family, like to read and we are passionate about life. We also want the same things from life, a good marriage and family. We talked just about every night and missed each other when we did not get to talk. Whenever I saw his name online, I felt very happy.  Time flied during our conversations and it still does. 

   Israel never had a problem with my CP. To him, it was just a part of me. He asked questions about how I got it (lack of oxygen due to hospital error) and about my capabilities. He never treated me any less. From the beginning Israel told me how beautiful I am and that I was perfect to him. His sincerity and honesty struck me and made me like him more and more. 

   A few weeks into our friendship, Israel gave me his phone number. I never give out my number until I know a person pretty well. Better safe than sorry. I was nervous that he might not understand my speech. My speech is understandable, but when I'm nervous it can be more difficult to understand. I really had nothing to worry about because he said my voice was beautiful and had no problems. Our first phone conversation turned into a religious debate that lasted an hour. 

    It is unclear to me when our feelings turned romantic. We fought it the best we could.  One night, we were discussing love and romance. At this point, Israel told me he loved me as a friend as I did him.  I asked Israel if he was falling in love with me because he was acting like it.  Israel said he did not know what being in love was because he never felt that before. I described what I felt. Happy, missing them when they are gone, a feeling in your heart, you want to be with them all the time etc. He said, "Jessica, I must be in love with you because I feel all that and more."

    We finally did meet in person. We attempted to meet twice. but it didn't work. On the first attempt, his grandfather's truck broke down. I did not believe him and felt like he stood me up. He apologized many times and sent me the tow truck receipt to prove to me that he did not stand me up. I believed him and we set up another meeting. Every year I go to a Dogwood festival. It is a local fair and parade. Israel told me that he'd like to meet me there. So, we agreed. However, for the second time, he did not show. I felt stupid and humiliated. How could he do this twice? The excuse he gave was we missed each other. He came a bit later than we planned. He described places in the fair with such detail that only someone who went there would know. 

   Israel never missed another date.  Our first "date" was at K Mart and we had fun being together. I felt very nervous to meet him, but as soon as we started talking, it was like I knew him forever.  He did act a little peculiar, and told my father that we would be seeing a lot of each other.   I found that incredibly sweet but also very strange for the first meeting.

   We continued to love and learn about each other. We experienced several bumps in the road. Israel wanted a commitment right away and I wasn't ready for that yet. I still had left over feelings for my Ex and enjoyed single life. I did commit twice to try it, but  broke it off both times. This hurt Israel's trust in me, but he backed off and did not push me to commit. Due to a busy few months and lack of transportation, we only saw each other once or twice a month until August. We also had the dreaded religious conflict

   On June eighteenth, I decided to be his girlfriend. He opened himself to religion, and we had a solid friendship. I felt ready to have a relationship, and wanted to be with him. Like every couple, we have had disagreements but nothing terribly serious.  Israel and I respect each other and know that our feelings are important. My disability has never been a real problem to Israel. He accepts what I can't do and is very helpful. He has told me he loves feeding me and taking care of me. I also take care of him too. We are both committed to making this work. 

   As far as religion, Israel decided to join the Catholic faith. His decision to become Catholic made me worry at first. All these months he was so determined to remain atheist.  God touches us in many ways.   He also told me that when we get married and have children that we would raise them Catholic and give them a Catholic education. 

   Israel started to attend my church with me in September. He attended RCIA classes since October and on Easter 2000, Israel was confirmed into the Catholic church.  It  was the most amazing night. 

    Israel proposed to me during Mass on May 19, 2001. He slipped the ring on and proposed. I said yes! We set the date for May 11, 2002.

Below is something Israel wrote about how we met and fell in love. He wrote this for our Ability Romance web site.

From Israel Steinmetz:

I was alone. I didn't like being alone. I was a 26 year old red-blooded, heterosexual, American male. I had had a few dates, but had never quite hit it off with anyone. 

    I had been casually going through Internet personals advertisements. One shouldn't restrict one's self to only one method of meeting people of the opposite sex for romance. And, I didn't. But, personal ads (especially Internet personals) are an excellent method to meet people. 

     Personal ads are an excellent way to find eligible people. Everyone there wants to find someone. So, there's little chance of rejection because of other relationships. And, the whole point of personal ads is to state one's needs, desires, and one's own good qualities. This makes the personal ads a powerful method of communication. In addition, the high ratio of men to women allows women to choose from a large pool of responses to their ads.

     The other advantages of personal ads include anonymity and a controlled first impression. Responses to personal ads can be sent to anonymous boxes, and thus protect the identity of the advertiser. In addition, if both parties have A critical flaw of first impressions is their emphasis on the physical aspects of the hopeful singles. The more good looking can get more inquires than they would like. The less good looking can get far fewer inquires than they would like. 

     Internet personals are a particularly effective method of meeting eligible people. On the Internet, one can automatically filter out the good ads from the bad. A crucial feature (usually available) is the ability to filter out people within a certain distance from your home or, at least, to filter out people living in particular localities. In addition, one can filter based on age, religion, height, weight, etc. 

     Well. Anyway. I was looking through Internet personal ads. And, I found one that particularly struck my fancy. This woman's energetic vivacity and love for life seemed to reach out to me. She was three years younger than me, she had similar values, she was a bit shorter than me, and she didn't live very far away from me. And, as a bonus, I liked her picture. 

     What can one tell from a picture? Well, I liked Jessica's picture. She seemed sunny, somehow. She looked young, and thin. I just plain liked it. I could tell that Jessica was a beautiful person. I also thought that I could tell, based on the poses of her hands, that she had Cerebral Palsy, or some similar condition. 

     While reading her ad, though, my sense of impending sorrows to come was increasing: She said she was a devout Catholic and (of course) wanted to raise her children in that environment. On the other hand, I was a confirmed atheist, and had no plans to ever change. 

     I wrote her a short response, telling her of my interest, giving her the URL of my Website, and expressing my sorrow that, since our religious differences were so great, we might be destined to be friends only. 

     She replied with casual interest, giving me the URL of her Web site in a very short message. Once I saw her Web site, I was even more interested. Her Web site let me look into her inner thoughts, and I liked what I saw: A highly intelligent, motivated, capable woman. 

     Since her Web site included her E-mail address, I E-mailed her a more detailed introduction of myself, my characteristics, and my desires. I waited a couple of days, but became impatient for her response. So, I decided to contact her through AOL Instant Messenger (AIM), because her AIM screen name was also on her Web site. 

     We've had some great conversations through AIM, since that day. Jessica and I were on the roller coaster of romance. We've had our ups and downs, but our relationship keeps getting better and better, the ups are higher and last longer, and the downs become just momentary dips. I am becoming a Catholic, and we're mentioning marriage. Life is good.

Ten reasons why I love Jessica

1. She's so vivacious, it energizes me.

2. She's so beautiful, I feel like crying.

3. She's so loving, I feel honored.

4. She's so caring, I'm motivated to improve myself.

5. She's so moral, she forces me to.

6. She's so intelligent, she understands me.

7. She loves me.

8. She's so driven, I admire her.

9. She's so stubborn, she can withstand my stubbornness.

10. She's simply amazing, I'm proud of her.

Jessica had all of the qualities I'd ever looked for in a woman. She was vivacious, intelligent, passionate, and caring. Our moral codes were quite similar, with the exception that I was an atheist, while she was a devout Catholic. And, we shared a variety of interests.

    I liked talking to her. She was simply bright. We talked for hours. When I saw her appear online, I felt a thrill of joy. I was wary of calling, because I had an idea I'd be quite boring by phone. But, Jessica's fear of lightning and hatred of thunder caused me to spend one long night on the phone with her. After that, my resistance was broken.

    After we'd talked by phone and Internet for a number of weeks, we decided it was time to meet. We setup a meeting at the local mall, Friday night. Well, on Fridays my grandfather usually drove me to the bank, then home. It turns out that once we were in the bank's parking area, the vehicle my grandfather was driving me around in just didn't want to start.

    It was raining. Under the pressure, I forgot her phone number. I went into the rain, dialed the phone directory, and got the number. Upon whipping out my wallet, scribbling down the number, and calling, I got a strange answering machine. I then realized that I'd been duped by that worthless automated directory system, which had given me the wrong number. At least a human has some intelligence, these machines have none. My money was going, and the phone company (Bell Atlantic) was profiting even though providing low quality products. Ah, well.

     We called the triple A (Automobile Association of America). Once they'd come and towed us home, it seemed quite difficult for me to meet Jessica. For one thing, I was incredibly late, and I doubted she'd have waited that long. For another, I'd have to get another vehicle/driver, which would be either difficult or impossible. And, finally, I was just plain wet and tired, and wasn't in the best condition to go, anyway. So, I called her actual number (stored in my computer), and left a message.

     She wasn't so sure I was being truthful. She said she'd been lied to regarding similar situations in the past. But, I somehow convinced her to give me another chance, and promised to send her a copy of the AAA receipt when I could.

    Well, it was a while before I could get her the receipt, but we seemed OK by phone and Internet. When I sent the receipt, though, I felt that a weight had been lifted from me. I would be vindicated.

     Our next date was scheduled to be a fair at a park. Well, since I didn't drive, I decided to take the bus there. Of course, this meant a three leg trip, with two places that I needed to catch a bus. It turns out that a few minutes either way can make a big difference, in these cases. I got there so late, I thought she might have left. But, I kept walking around for a couple of hours, hoping beyond hope to see her. I didn't. I ate some pizza and got the bus back. I felt physically ill.

     Of course, this was the second time I'd stood her up. I had good reason to doubt that she'd ever speak to me again, much less become my future mate. But, I gave it a try. I went onto the 'Net, begged, explained, and gave details of what I'd done and seen when I was there, to corroborate that I'd actually been there. Well, I managed to do something right, again, because she eventually seemed to believe me.

    We decided to give the dating gamble another try. This time, we decided to go to the K-Mart. I got there forty (or more) minutes early. I wasn't about to miss this opportunity. I looked around the store for a while, then settled nearer to the door. She entered in her wheelchair, with her father behind her. In this moment of truth, I felt weak. I turned back for a moment and composed myself. Besides that single moment of weakness, I didn't have any negative experiences that day. In fact, it was actually an excellent date.

    Her dad was there, so we were a bit hampered. But, I managed to sneak in a quasi-hug, but (pretending to be?) showing her some items from the shelves. She was wearing jeans, t-shirt, and blue shoes.  I thought she was the most attractive girl in the world.

Our relationship is a constant learning and growing experience. We learn better ways to communicate, have discussions and handle difficulties. The key is commitment and honesty. We want this relationship, and we want it to succeed. It's not always easy, but in the end we know that everything will turn out good.

Love is a constant in our lives. We express it by our actions and words.  

My Prayers were Answered Today - by Jessica McFarlane
I used to pray for someone like you.
Honest, loving, kind and sweet.
No one ever fit in place in my heart so perfectly.
In my dreams, I saw you.
We would read, laugh, talk, respect each other and go places.
I never thought my dream would come true.
Now, here you are, looking back in my eyes.
You give me strength, motivation and make me a better person.
Prayers are answered in time.
God made you mine. 

Ten reasons why I love Jessica by Israel

1. She's so vivacious, it energizes me.

2. She's so beautiful, I feel like crying.

3. She's so loving, I feel honored.

4. She's so caring, I'm motivated to improve myself.

5. She's so moral, she forces me to.

6. She's so intelligent, she understands me.

7. She loves me.

8. She's so driven, I admire her.

9. She's so stubborn, she can withstand my stubbornness.

10. She's simply amazing, I'm proud of her.

Here are a few things and routines we have over time. Perhaps you can try some in your relationship. If you have any suggestions for us, please leave a note in our guest book or contact us.

Nightly Routine
Every night we make time for each other before going to sleep. We started a new routine that has helped us a lot. Even though we talk throughout the day and evening, we found we forgot to tell each other details about our day and lives. It may sound time consuming, but it really is not and the benefits are wonderful. This routine has made us a lot closer and our relationship stronger.
In order we:

1. Tell each other two things that we really appreciate or liked that the other person did during the day.
2. We tie up any lose disagreements or any hurt feelings that occurred in the day.
3. We tell each other about our day and the other person asks questions and listens.
4. We pray together.
   

Holding Hands and Public Affection

   We hold hands whenever we can.  Three squeezes means " I Love You."  This makes us feel connected to each other and feels natural. The contact strengthens our bond and love. We also kiss when we can.  There is nothing like it!

Doing Things Together

  We try to do things together as much as possible. Luckily we like doing a lot of the same activities.   We go to religious education classes, work on web sites, volunteer,  play cards and games, read to each other, take online courses and attend Mass together.  We also go on dates (movies, go out to eat, shopping, bowl, family stuff etc) at least once a week.

The Word

  When Israel and I start to be a little mean or rude to each other, we used to make things worse by yelling each other about the behavior.  We picked a word and now when we start being rude etc, the other person will say the word as a warning.  This gives us a warning to adjust our behavior and the way we are talking.

I wrote this for my newlywed column:

The weather has certainly gotten cooler. We have our Halloween decorations up, and we're ready for fall. I like being able to decorate our house.

Israel and I have been married for five months. Last night as we lay in bed, I caught myself smiling. We were holding hands and talking about our day. Being together is everything we ever wanted. I can't imagine going back to a life without him.

The past few weeks haven't been extremely easy. Israel and I decided to own a dog, well actually, a puppy. We had been talking about it ever since we got married. I grew up around dogs. Israel likes dogs but never saw himself owning one. He knew having a pet was important to me so he agreed.

My sister told us about a puppy that was being given to the SPCA. Julie works with families in the area, and she knew of this puppy. She told us the dog was fully house broken and well behaved. Lucky was a German shorthair pointer mixed with terrier. Her birthday is Dec. 9.

I asked Israel if we could take her, and he agreed. He was apprehensive about taking on a puppy. He knew how much work they could be. My sister brought Lucky to our home, and we both liked her. She is very active and very puppy-like. She is a medium size dog, and she has soft brown eyes.

To our disappointment, she was not fully house broken. Lucky is doing much better on that, but it increased stress on our marriage. I felt bad because I couldn't take her out or clean her mess. She also does not listen very well. She needs to learn to listen to me. On a few occasions after Israel went to work, Lucky would attack me. It's not easy to take care of a puppy when you can use only one arm, and that one not very strong.

During the first two weeks, Israel wanted to get rid of Lucky. I am not the type of person to give away a dog after agreeing to keep her. We had our share of arguments and sleepless nights over what to do with Lucky. Israel agreed to give her a little more time to adjust.

Over the last week, Israel has bonded with Lucky. He really enjoys having his own dog. She is listening to me more. It looks like she's worth keeping!

In other events, I thought that I was pregnant for about two months. I took many pregnancy tests and they all came out negative. The idea of having a baby was very nice. I'm not pregnant, but now we're seriously thinking about pregnancy or adoption. Israel was disappointed that I wasn't, even though it was unplanned. However, my sister is six weeks pregnant!

Having Lucky is preparing me for my own child. I enjoy the activeness of a puppy. Israel and I spend more time together by discussing the dog, and by training and playing with her. This last month of marriage was good because we definitely communicated much more than in the past.

Passed away on April 6, 2007.